Sunday, May 31, 2009
Change
I want to express my thoughts on change as my life has gone through so many changes lately - both good and bad. Most people do not feel change taking place within them perhaps because change is a hard thing to accept. One of the reasons why this is so might be because change is happening in every moment of our lives as our lives are not stagnant.
Looking at it from a scientific view, babies are born intellectually empty, devoid of memory or experience. Every detail that our senses take in triggers reactions in our brain, though at most times it is unconsciously. All of these little details and experiences of our lives are what shape us and change us. Humans are like sponges. We are constantly absorbing knowledge and feeding our thirst with the waters of substance. Change can be so minute or at times so significant. Even in the face of a distinctive event though, I am unable to comprehend the kind of ramifications that could occur to affect me. It is only through comparing who I am now to who I was before that I realize that, amazingly enough, I have changed. I feel sad for those who cannot accept change and cannot grow.
I moved to the United States from HK almost 10 years ago. My whole motivation was to push myself to live a life that was completely the opposite of the one I was used to and grew up with. Moving across the world at the tender age of 22 is a scary thing. But, I wanted to push myself to be more independent, downt-to-earth, simple and real; to see things from a different perspective to the one I was used to seeing. My life was too comfortable and I felt that comfort meant a person was not improving or changing. To many people I knew, that seemed totally outrageous. A lot of my friends questioned me and asked "Nicole, why would you leave such a secure and comfortable life for something so unknown, to suffer for what?" My reply was simple - I wanted to learn more about myself and to see myself outside of the bubble I was so accustomed to. I wanted to be better. I wanted to find the real me.
If I had to label myself, I’d say that I was your typical child; carefree, playful, cheerful and devoid of any form of stress or concern for anything. It was a mindless existence that I lived in through my childhood because I was given pretty much everything I wanted. Basically, I was ignorant and I wouldn’t have given a rat’s ass if anyone had told me that before. My parents told me that as a child, I rarely cried, complained or asked for anything. I was a laid-back child. School was not really something I thought of or tried hard at. I had my share of mischief accompanied by hordes of detentions and lectures, all of which I handled with complete apathy. Learning was an obligation that, fortunately, I just happened to do well at. Most of my days were spent on sports and other active forms of entertainment.
One particular hobby that I remember from my childhood was catching fireflies while spending summers in Scarsdale, New York. I used to capture them then place them in a jar and watch them glow until they died. I didn’t really think of it as cruel. Actually, I found it entertaining and something most kids in the US did. In a way, I think of myself as that firefly now. I know that I can be trapped temporarily, and that I’ll be the one under the scrutiny of people as I heave my heavy weight along. But I will find some inventive way to keep moving along. I know that I can be adaptive and resourceful. As a child, I already knew how to be blasé and casual about predicaments I might find myself in. So at a young age, I mastered the art of simply placing one foot in front of the other and always remaining composed, whether knee deep in trouble or trudging through six miles of boredom. This sense of rationality has proved to be one of my most useful tools. I’m glad that I realized, so early in my life, that I am steady and independent enough to be confident.
As a result of this realization, ambition grew. At times, school did not feel like such an obligation. Like a sponge, I wanted to soak up all the knowledge there was to learn. I’m not so ignorant anymore either, though sometimes I wish that I could just turn my head in the other direction and walk away. For such an undaunted child, I’ve turned out to be so apprehensive and eager for experience and life. There are hardly any challenges that I wouldn’t willingly take on, although some can really make me think twice about why they were given to me in the first place.
The many emotional and social factors that I underwent throughout my life are what make up who I am today and determine why I act or feel the way I do. I can be so passionate...naive and trust in a conception such as always believing in people despite the countless times I have been hurt, with such conviction too. I don’t even know where I got half the ideas and principles that I have developed because I was so sheltered. Or it could be because I was so sheltered that it enabled me to spend endless time thinking about those ideals. However, my teenage years did teach me a thing or two about the painful realities of life. That life does not escape anyone. Even too this day at the age of 32, life does not escape me. It keeps coming at me harder and harder.
I do know that that same nonchalance which was embodied in me as a child, is in me still. Only now, it contains neither ignorance nor laziness anymore. It is my way of coping and adapting. I have discovered that there is not always a solution to a problem but there is always an option and I try to make the best out of any situation, no matter how hard. And believe me, life can be damn hard.
It is with this attitude that I go forth in life, with a willing smile and an eager approach regarding anything that might come. I have no idea what the future might surprise or attack me with. Whatever obstacles I might come upon, I believe with confidence that I will be able to face it and still laugh. Just like those fireflies, I will look at a situation where my wings are gone and the circumstance seems like it leads to nothing but a dead end. But unlike those fireflies, I will not keep trying to flap wings which are gone and end up defeated out of disappointment. Using the practicality and resourcefulness that I possess, I will take initiative and squeeze the last positive drop out of even the toughest obstacle.
So let the future come. No problem. My thirst will devour the sweet heart of this watermelon.
Looking at it from a scientific view, babies are born intellectually empty, devoid of memory or experience. Every detail that our senses take in triggers reactions in our brain, though at most times it is unconsciously. All of these little details and experiences of our lives are what shape us and change us. Humans are like sponges. We are constantly absorbing knowledge and feeding our thirst with the waters of substance. Change can be so minute or at times so significant. Even in the face of a distinctive event though, I am unable to comprehend the kind of ramifications that could occur to affect me. It is only through comparing who I am now to who I was before that I realize that, amazingly enough, I have changed. I feel sad for those who cannot accept change and cannot grow.
I moved to the United States from HK almost 10 years ago. My whole motivation was to push myself to live a life that was completely the opposite of the one I was used to and grew up with. Moving across the world at the tender age of 22 is a scary thing. But, I wanted to push myself to be more independent, downt-to-earth, simple and real; to see things from a different perspective to the one I was used to seeing. My life was too comfortable and I felt that comfort meant a person was not improving or changing. To many people I knew, that seemed totally outrageous. A lot of my friends questioned me and asked "Nicole, why would you leave such a secure and comfortable life for something so unknown, to suffer for what?" My reply was simple - I wanted to learn more about myself and to see myself outside of the bubble I was so accustomed to. I wanted to be better. I wanted to find the real me.
If I had to label myself, I’d say that I was your typical child; carefree, playful, cheerful and devoid of any form of stress or concern for anything. It was a mindless existence that I lived in through my childhood because I was given pretty much everything I wanted. Basically, I was ignorant and I wouldn’t have given a rat’s ass if anyone had told me that before. My parents told me that as a child, I rarely cried, complained or asked for anything. I was a laid-back child. School was not really something I thought of or tried hard at. I had my share of mischief accompanied by hordes of detentions and lectures, all of which I handled with complete apathy. Learning was an obligation that, fortunately, I just happened to do well at. Most of my days were spent on sports and other active forms of entertainment.
One particular hobby that I remember from my childhood was catching fireflies while spending summers in Scarsdale, New York. I used to capture them then place them in a jar and watch them glow until they died. I didn’t really think of it as cruel. Actually, I found it entertaining and something most kids in the US did. In a way, I think of myself as that firefly now. I know that I can be trapped temporarily, and that I’ll be the one under the scrutiny of people as I heave my heavy weight along. But I will find some inventive way to keep moving along. I know that I can be adaptive and resourceful. As a child, I already knew how to be blasé and casual about predicaments I might find myself in. So at a young age, I mastered the art of simply placing one foot in front of the other and always remaining composed, whether knee deep in trouble or trudging through six miles of boredom. This sense of rationality has proved to be one of my most useful tools. I’m glad that I realized, so early in my life, that I am steady and independent enough to be confident.
As a result of this realization, ambition grew. At times, school did not feel like such an obligation. Like a sponge, I wanted to soak up all the knowledge there was to learn. I’m not so ignorant anymore either, though sometimes I wish that I could just turn my head in the other direction and walk away. For such an undaunted child, I’ve turned out to be so apprehensive and eager for experience and life. There are hardly any challenges that I wouldn’t willingly take on, although some can really make me think twice about why they were given to me in the first place.
The many emotional and social factors that I underwent throughout my life are what make up who I am today and determine why I act or feel the way I do. I can be so passionate...naive and trust in a conception such as always believing in people despite the countless times I have been hurt, with such conviction too. I don’t even know where I got half the ideas and principles that I have developed because I was so sheltered. Or it could be because I was so sheltered that it enabled me to spend endless time thinking about those ideals. However, my teenage years did teach me a thing or two about the painful realities of life. That life does not escape anyone. Even too this day at the age of 32, life does not escape me. It keeps coming at me harder and harder.
I do know that that same nonchalance which was embodied in me as a child, is in me still. Only now, it contains neither ignorance nor laziness anymore. It is my way of coping and adapting. I have discovered that there is not always a solution to a problem but there is always an option and I try to make the best out of any situation, no matter how hard. And believe me, life can be damn hard.
It is with this attitude that I go forth in life, with a willing smile and an eager approach regarding anything that might come. I have no idea what the future might surprise or attack me with. Whatever obstacles I might come upon, I believe with confidence that I will be able to face it and still laugh. Just like those fireflies, I will look at a situation where my wings are gone and the circumstance seems like it leads to nothing but a dead end. But unlike those fireflies, I will not keep trying to flap wings which are gone and end up defeated out of disappointment. Using the practicality and resourcefulness that I possess, I will take initiative and squeeze the last positive drop out of even the toughest obstacle.
So let the future come. No problem. My thirst will devour the sweet heart of this watermelon.
Each Truth Is Just a Scrim Across the Darkness
Each truth is just a scrim across the darkness.
We cannot see what most we'd like to know.
We drive among sheer cliffs in pale moonlight
Unsure of where we are or where to go.
When we allow our heads to make our choices,
We lose because of what we cannot see.
When we give way and let desire take us,
We lose because we want what cannot be.
We inch along the dream-lit rocky ridges
Knowing always, always we must lose.
The end for all is darkness everlasting,
And so it matters less which road we choose.
What matters is the beauty of sheer being;
The gifts we have and those we will become;
The ecstasy of loving so completely
That we ourselves are more than minds can plumb.
Love well and know that love must end in pain.
Be a fool and pay the unmarked price.
Be generous of self, and passion gain:
One who never loses, loses twice.
We cannot see what most we'd like to know.
We drive among sheer cliffs in pale moonlight
Unsure of where we are or where to go.
When we allow our heads to make our choices,
We lose because of what we cannot see.
When we give way and let desire take us,
We lose because we want what cannot be.
We inch along the dream-lit rocky ridges
Knowing always, always we must lose.
The end for all is darkness everlasting,
And so it matters less which road we choose.
What matters is the beauty of sheer being;
The gifts we have and those we will become;
The ecstasy of loving so completely
That we ourselves are more than minds can plumb.
Love well and know that love must end in pain.
Be a fool and pay the unmarked price.
Be generous of self, and passion gain:
One who never loses, loses twice.
Saturday, May 30, 2009
Friday, May 29, 2009
Quotes that Inspire
"I think everyone has a purpose in this world. Many times I’ve wished that mine were something more straightforward: to make people happy through song or dance or acting. Well. It’s quite clear I didn’t get any of those talents. But I can talk. I can write. I can wonder and I can share. It’s not much, but hopefully my little corner of the Internet gives people a bit of joy. I think that’s my life’s purpose. And for that I feel incredibly blessed" - Ron Callari
I found this quote just now and wanted to post it as it relates to my previous post about sharing my stories with others.
A few other quotes that have inspired me today that I will elaborate one in future blogs:
"No one has all the answers … and sometimes the best we can do is just apologize, and let the past be the past. Other times, we need to look to the future and know that even when we think we’ve seen it all … life can still surprise us. And we can still surprise ourselves" - Gossip Girl
"Deliver me from writers who say the way they live doesn't matter. I'm not sure a bad person can write a good book. If art doesn't make us better, then what on earth is it for." - Alice Walker
"For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
"How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light." Barry Lopez - Arctic Dreams
I found this quote just now and wanted to post it as it relates to my previous post about sharing my stories with others.
A few other quotes that have inspired me today that I will elaborate one in future blogs:
"No one has all the answers … and sometimes the best we can do is just apologize, and let the past be the past. Other times, we need to look to the future and know that even when we think we’ve seen it all … life can still surprise us. And we can still surprise ourselves" - Gossip Girl
"Deliver me from writers who say the way they live doesn't matter. I'm not sure a bad person can write a good book. If art doesn't make us better, then what on earth is it for." - Alice Walker
"For what it’s worth: it’s never too late to be whoever you want to be. There’s no time limit. You can change or stay the same, there are no rules to this thing. We can make the best or the worst of it. I hope you make the best of it. And I hope you see things that startle you. I hope you feel things you never felt before. I hope you meet people with a different point of view. I hope you live a life you’re proud of. If you find that you’re not, I hope you have the strength to start all over again." - The Curious Case of Benjamin Button
"How is one to live a moral and compassionate existence when one is fully aware of the blood, the horror inherent in life, when one finds darkness not only in one's culture but within oneself? If there is a stage at which an individual life becomes truly adult, it must be when one grasps the irony in its unfolding and accepts responsibility for a life lived in the midst of such paradox. One must live in the middle of contradiction, because if all contradiction were eliminated at once life would collapse. There are simply no answers to some of the great pressing questions. You continue to live them out, making your life a worthy expression of leaning into the light." Barry Lopez - Arctic Dreams
My First Blog
Some of you may ask - how come she is discovering the world of blogging only now? To be honest with you, I have wanted to blog for a long long time now. I'm not sure what was truly holding me back. Perhaps I was scared to step into something that involved opening myself up in such a way that literally the whole world could see. That is a scary thought. But my belief in life has always been the greatest risks yields the greatest rewards. I am not sure what I want to achieve with my blog yet. I do know that I want to reach out to people and share my story and maybe even help others with my stories. And boy...believe me...I have stories to tell!
People have always told me I should be a writer as a career. It isn't like I haven't entertained that thought. I have enjoyed writing since I was 12 or 13 years old. It started with short stories that then developed into poetry. Eventually, I had the lofty goal of publishing my very own book. That book was started when I was in high school and is still in the works. Of course, now I have a completely different idea on what sort of book I want to write and publish. I do hope to still achieve this dream one day.
I decided to use "serendipity" as the title for my blogs. The reason being? Plain and simple. Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely. I hope that for those of you who have taken the time to come and check out my blog may discover something surprising that you did not expect, something that will keep you coming back again and again.
Life is so short and the older I get the more I realize this. If I can touch but one soul in this world and make an everlasting impression, then I would say I have lived a good life. I hope that my blog can reach those of you out there who may need a shoulder to cry on or someone who you can talk to. I have been told I am a good listener. I used to think that I was alone in this world with the experiences I have gone through and the struggles I still have to face to this day. Now with blogging, that world is much less lonely and much more connected as I have found many people who have gone through similar experiences or more.
I hope this can be a forum where we can reach out to each other. See you all out there...the world of bloggers.
People have always told me I should be a writer as a career. It isn't like I haven't entertained that thought. I have enjoyed writing since I was 12 or 13 years old. It started with short stories that then developed into poetry. Eventually, I had the lofty goal of publishing my very own book. That book was started when I was in high school and is still in the works. Of course, now I have a completely different idea on what sort of book I want to write and publish. I do hope to still achieve this dream one day.
I decided to use "serendipity" as the title for my blogs. The reason being? Plain and simple. Serendipity is the effect by which one accidentally discovers something fortunate, especially while looking for something else entirely. I hope that for those of you who have taken the time to come and check out my blog may discover something surprising that you did not expect, something that will keep you coming back again and again.
Life is so short and the older I get the more I realize this. If I can touch but one soul in this world and make an everlasting impression, then I would say I have lived a good life. I hope that my blog can reach those of you out there who may need a shoulder to cry on or someone who you can talk to. I have been told I am a good listener. I used to think that I was alone in this world with the experiences I have gone through and the struggles I still have to face to this day. Now with blogging, that world is much less lonely and much more connected as I have found many people who have gone through similar experiences or more.
I hope this can be a forum where we can reach out to each other. See you all out there...the world of bloggers.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
